Ah, September. That magical time of year when Christmas decorations go up in department stores across America! The good folks at MojoFiction feel bad for atheists. They already don’t like Christmas, but now, thanks to certain stores that will remain nameless (for instance, we won’t say Macy’s), they have to deal with it starting in early September. Retail burn!
Honestly, we didn’t know that the “Holiday Season” was creeping up on us already, like a street hoodlum sneaking up behind you so he can play the knock-out game. But then we remembered that it’s important to buy tech gifts right now because that way they will be obsolete by the time your loved ones open them up as presents later this winter.
And you know where you can buy them? The mall.
Ah, the mall. That magical place where pre-teen girls go to commune with the fashion industry in a complex suburban ritual known as “using Mom’s credit card.” Let’s be honest, this was great when you were a pre-teen boy looking for those pre-teen girls, but now you’re an adult, so it’s just frightening. And your credit card is locked securely in a vault. Sadly, the mall is the only place to find the Lego store, which is where we were headed this past Saturday.
We here at MojoFiction were hanging out with our son this last weekend, because hanging out with other people’s kids is not nearly as rewarding. He had a sore throat that was probably going to manifest into a full-blown cold (it did). His mom specifically requested that the young lad spend all day inside doing nothing but watch television and play video games. If MojoFiction’s mom had ever said that when we were young, we would have said, “Yes ma’am!” But, alas, she did not. MojoFiction is a responsible dad, though, and we hate to see the few remaining summer days go to waste sitting inside. More importantly, MojoFiction is also an EX-husband, so we immediately disregarded the requested sitting-around advice and got in the car with our son. He didn’t have a lot of energy, but at least a little walking around would do us both some good. We recommended hitting the mall to browse the Lego store and spread his germs everywhere. He enthusiastically agreed.
We entered the mall by walking through the store that shall not be named (unlike in the first paragraph where we clearly named it Macy’s). This was convenient because attached to that store is a Starbucks, which meant we could grab an iced chai latte without having to walk those agonizing extra steps into the mall itself to the other Starbucks that we also felt compelled to visit while we were there.
We had just left Ma … that store … and wandered into the mall proper when we beheld the row of Christmas trees. The display wasn’t ready to roll yet, and we didn’t see any holiday sales advertised, but the lure was there. Like an angler fish in the black depths of the ocean dangling their bioluminescent attractor. Don’t ask questions, just look at the light…
Naturally, we produced our phone from wherever we hide it and immediately took a picture. In fact, several mall-goers did. They snapped photos, laughed a little, and then calmly walked into the store … to buy stuff.
“Nooooo!” we called after them, trying to save them from their horrible fate. But we had our chai latte in hand and we didn’t want to risk spilling it in a freak accident (you never know, right?), so we let them go. But we died a little that day, knowing we couldn’t help them. And then we arrived at the Lego store and pretty much forgot about the whole thing because, man, there were some outstanding Lego designs on display and they drew us right in.
Not only did they have new Star Wars Lego vehicles, but that sweet Super Cycle Chase set from the Lego Movie was still available. And don’t get us started on the new Lego City stuff, like the Arctic Base Camp, which doesn’t sound like a “city” thing but is still pretty neat. …That’s what our son thinks anyway. This is all for him, you realize that, right? MojoFiction could personally care less about how the Lego Star Wars Homing Spider Droid’s legs are like cool little plastic pistons or how the Lego Lord of the Rings Tower of Orthanc (Isengard to you posers out there) has all those different levels inside it. It’s all totally for kids.
In fact, our kid liked the Lego Death Star the best. It’s a monster of a set and comes with an equivalent price tag. But we liked the fact that he set his sights high. And as we looked longingly at that Death Star set with our son in the bright, shiny Lego Store, do you know what we thought?
That would make a nice Christmas gift.