DOG DAYS: ON BEING UNEMPLOYED IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER

Cubs night game

Nothing like a Cubs night game!

We here at MojoFiction have been away for a while.  We did not intend to be.  But back in June we had just made a huge scientific discovery using our rarely-mentioned PhD in neuroscience from one of the nation’s top schools that operates only on the internet and, for some reason, only accepts tuition payments via wire to a bank we’ve never heard of in the Caribbean.  Using our PhD we discovered that the human brain actually hides away an extra 10% that is only available when someone screams at you, proving that Mike Ditka and elite football coaches everywhere know what they are talking about when they demand 110%.  We can only assume they know about this because they went to the same top school we did and studied neuroscience.

So we were about to go public with our discovery when we found out that we had been “let go” from our day job, which, as you might know, does not involve neuroscience, or much thinking in general (it’s brokerage, so it involves money and some computers conveniently sitting on top of money).  We were officially let go for budget reasons.

Well, that depressed us just a little bit, so we did what any normal person would do and we went on vacation.  Our older brother was coming up our way anyway and bringing his son, who happens to be the same age as MojoFiction’s son.  So we all piled into our Volkswagen and headed north to the U.P. to visit family. There was a lot of hiking and even some swimming in Lake Superior, which is frigid because the ice from the polar vortex only just melted (fact!).

UP Waterfall

The actual height of the waterfall is lost in the picture.

What’s fun about these kinds of trips is how you still find things to learn about your immediate family.  For example, we went bowling (MojoFIction won, but, you know, even Doctor Who probably couldn’t make bowling cool).  It turns out our older brother has such a wide thumb that it can’t fit into most bowling balls available at the bowling alley.  When he found one he could use, we checked it out and discovered that, when we put our own thumb into the thumbhole, we had enough room left over to rent space out to other thumbs (we did not use Airbnb).

We also found out that our nephew really likes to brag when he does something he thinks is awesome, especially when it comes to video games.  You would think this was annoying, but it turns out he has two older sisters (who knew?) that he competes with at everything, which answers a lot of questions.  But if anyone else does something awesome – especially at video games – he’ll brag about that person, too.  So he’s equal opportunity bragging.  It’s hard to argue with that.  Also, he’s really good at video games.  And he has a black belt in Taekwondo.  And he plays piano.  And he’s only nine.  Kids today are so lazy.

boat tour

Lake Michigan from a speedboat tour (composite that could have worked better…)

Anyway, we got back from our two-week vacation and immediately spent the day at Navy Pier in Chicago.  The next day we saw our brother and nephew on their way at the airport and then started our search for new employment.  We’ve actually been looking since February because we expected the layoffs to happen eventually.  But it’s been hard, even with the fair number of actual interviews we have scored.

Since we really need a new job, we’ve decided that we need to use our unexpected free time wisely.  For example, we’ve been biking the 26-mile Prairie Trail a couple of times a week (not the whole thing, sheesh, what do we look like?) and we go for long morning jogs at a local forest preserve.  Last week, we were forced to play 18 holes of golf with friends.  What a chore.

bike ride

Scenic bike ride. Because we can.

Man, we’d really like to get back to work.  All this getting up at whenever we feel like it, laying around with a book in the mid-morning sunshine, and going on Netflix marathons is really getting to us.

Yeah, it’s hard.

So hard.

Hard hard hard.

Okay, we’re done.

Did you know that it’s possible to spend an entire day playing video games and eating ice cream and getting away with it because no one will be home until the late afternoon to call you on it and by then they can’t prove anything?

Oh, sorry…

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