In Which MojoFiction Attends a Minor League Hockey Game

We here at MojoFiction have blogged about our many incredible adventures over the years.

Such as:

• That time we were stranded on Mars and had to use pure science to turn the Mars Rover into a Black Label skateboard and absolutely shred the Victoria crater, nailing the universe’s first interplanetary nosebone. Like a boss.

Or:

• That time we spent in a military stockade for a crime we didn’t commit, before escaping to the Los Angeles underground where, still wanted by the government, we survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find us, maybe you can hire … well, we haven’t figured out a cool name yet for our team, but, rest assured, it will be awesome, like “The #1 Team,” or “The Top-Notch Team,” or something like that.

Of course, there have been dangerous times as well, such as when we went to the mall on a Friday night (What? Have you ever been to the mall on Friday night?); Or that time we told our wife “no” (Does it really matter what for?); Or when we created a successful hip-hop record label while our spouse was in prison, only to have her want it back when she got out.

We’re lucky to be alive.

But, just when you think we would have learned our lesson, we decided to go to a minor league hockey game.

This all started when MojoFiction’s very own son won a free ticket to the Chicago Wolves minor league hockey team (it was a code you could use for a free ticket). It turns out that free tickets are a good motivation to go somewhere and do something, so we figured, why not? Or, we could go and cash in that winning lottery ticket that was expiring that very day. But we had a free hockey ticket!

So we got online and found out that the Wolves were playing on Saturday night, which would be a nice cap to the holiday weekend. Then we found out that our son did not have the ticket code with him, so we paid the full price for two tickets. In an unrelated event, his allowance has been reduced by $27.50 (plus a $5.00 convenience fee).

For readers unfamiliar with minor league hockey, the league is called the AHL, which stands for Authentic Hotel Lobby. This makes little sense to us, but we are not hockey professionals. The league was founded in 1936, probably in a hotel lobby, by several confused Canadians who were unsure what to do because they didn’t know who to play second fiddle to until the realized the NHL was already around. That solved that problem.

Eventually, the AHL would include the Chicago Wolves, who play at the Dennis Haysbert Allstate Arena.

So we arrived at the Allstate Arena and paid $15.00 for parking, cash only because why would you ever carry a debit card around, and $75.00 for two chili-cheese dogs, along a cube of ice to quench our thirst (a whole bottle of water was around $265, so we opted for the cube). While in line, a knowledgeable person behind us informed us that the visiting team, the Rockford IceHogs, was actually the Chicago Blackhawks affiliate and the Chicago Wolves were actually the St. Louis Blues affiliate (and that AHL actually stands for Additional Hockey League).

So … rooting for the Wolves is like rooting for arch-rival St. Louis? Our son said yes. It was so disheartening to learn that our home AHL team was a traitor to the cause that we drove down to the United Center to catch the Bulls game instead. But we came back for the hockey game because we had that free ticket that we actually ended up paying for and so we needed to use it.

You know when you’re at a minor league sporting event, because it’s a small venue and they do things you shouldn’t do in a small venue, such as introducing the home team with contraptions that shoot out towering flames and launch fireworks, or sell cookies-and-cream Dippin Dots. Who can resist Dippin Dots? Nonetheless, after singing our eyebrows off and adding to our waistline with ice cream, the game continued after the opening ceremonies.

Despite the confusing alliances, MojoFiction rooted for the Wolves, because we are not driving all the way out to Rockford to find a minor league hockey team to support. Our son rooted for the IceHogs, though, because he is a die-hard Blackhawks fan. When it was all over and the Wolves won 2-0, we made him feel better by repeatedly asking for high-five for our victorious Chicago Wolves. We also kept asking him if he saw the time at the end of the 3rd period when the IceHogs accidentally knocked the puck into their own net. We’re a good dad like that.

Eventually, he asked if he could hand in his resignation as our offspring. We said no, but we offered him a cushy desk job.

The moral of the story is, if you have a minor league hockey team in your town, watch out, they may be a Missouri team in wolf’s clothing.

BONUS ADVENTURE COVERAGE!

On Sunday we went sledding with our kiddo at a local sled hill. It’s a pretty big hill. The snow here is actually accumulated sleet (a lot of it, too), so the hill was both fast and basically ice. We went down the hill about 8 times on our stomach, using a thin foam sled, racing our son to the bottom.

If you are over 40, this is a bad idea.

The end.