CHICAGO: OFFICIAL CITY OF PEOPLE IN CHICAGO

We here at MojoFiction have been off the grid for several months now, and while we may or may not ever explain why, we knew we needed to come up for air when we saw this on the internet:

Illinois Lottery

Official drain on my wallet…

Ah, corporate branding. Is there nowhere it can’t reach? Nothing it can’t do?

These images above are from the Illinois state lottery website.  Our first question upon seeing that two major sports teams that don’t officially support gambling have an official lottery was …  just how many lotteries are in Illinois anyway?

We’re pretty sure there is only one lottery and, in fact, some exhaustive research between games of Mario Kart confirmed our suspicions. But we believe in backing up our results, so let’s check the math.

Let’s see, 1 + 0 = 1.  We’re pretty sure that’s correct. Four years of high school and … several years of college, plus a phone call to one of our old professors, tells us that, yes, we got it right.

We realize what a coup it would have been for the New York state lottery to land the Bulls and Blackhawks as official sponsors because, let’s face it, no one wants the Knicks to be official anything, but luckily Illinois snapped them up. That means when Derrick Rose cashes his weekly 6-figure paycheck, he’s buying Illinois lottery tickets, and not making the long drive to another state to try his luck at getting rich. Because that’s what well-paid athletes – or well-paid anyone – does is buy lottery tickets.

Of course, many savvy readers will note that the NBA is working hard to allow sports betting. Their position is that it’s happening anyway, so why not bring it into the light and regulate it?

Of course, there’s also this:

According to Newsday:

“The NBA not only signed a partnership deal with FanDuel in November, it secured an equity position in the site.”

We here at MojoFiction are guessing that legalized sports-betting is going to lead to a lot of officially team-sponsored gambling sites, if not team-owned. It’s just a guess. A wild, random guess.

But until that happens, what else can the Chicago Bulls and Blackhawks officially sponsor to bring in some revenue and keep those ticket prices down for the average fan? (Laugh all you want, be we can dream.)

Here are a few suggestions, courtesy of the hard-working folks at MojoFiction:

For Chicagoans, the official train delay of your team:

Don't worry, the Blackhawks always fall behind, too...

Don’t worry, the Blackhawks always fall behind, too…

 

For women to show their true support:

Implant your team spirit!

Implant your team spirit!

 

Illinois loves a good political scandal. In fact, we specialize in them. Let’s make it official.

He was only paid to redecorate the corporate boxes…

 

The official team of your team!

We'd watch soccer, but there's no legalized betting...

We’d watch soccer, but there’s no legalized betting…

 

And for your development meetings at the office:

Turns out, your whiteboard has a favorite team.

Turns out, your whiteboard has a favorite team.

These are just a few suggestions. But we really think our local professional teams need to get on it immediately. Wouldn’t you buy some Chicago Bulls toilet paper for the guest bathroom?

And anyway, coming home with a Bulls-themed Chicago Fire jersey is not only funny, it sure beats explaining to your wife where the Friday paycheck went while you try to hide the stack of lottery tickets you blew it on.

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